Miracles Among Miracles, My Mom Meant What She Said

My mom, she is always saying things, but I never see any results. It's so hard to know if she means something or not. So I always assume that she won't do what she says, even though I hope that she will for most promises.

This time, my mom meant what she said. She has to, otherwise she just made a series of huge mistakes. She still may have, but at least she's keeping up with what she said.

Which, by now, you may be wondering what she is keeping true to. We're moving. Not just to another place in Conneaut, which is what I'd hoped for. No, we're moving to Nebraska. I would make some joke about where Nebraska is, and how it's all just farms and stuff, but honestly, the state is really nice from what I've seen. I'm really upset to be moving to another plac, even if I've been there before, but I'm also a little excited. And scared.

I really don't know what to expect. Last time...didn't go so well for me. I think it was because I acted really stand offish because I felt nervous being new. If the people in Nebraska got to know me now I think we'd all get along so much better. At least, I really hope so. Otherwise this is going to really suck.

And for any friends reading this now, I'll miss you when I'm gone, sometime from late December to Early January. Hugs for all!

----------------
Now playing:
Lostprophets - A Town Called Hypocrisy
Lostprophets - Last Train Home
via FoxyTunes

My Black Eye And People Who Need To Shut Up And Die (Well, Maybe Just Shut Up)

This was me. Well, ok, mine looked a lot less...horrible. Plus, I'm not a guy.

Amazingly enough I predicted what would happen today. I just knew that people would be commenting all day about my eye. I was right. Not really much to be happy about though.

It was just a slight black eye. It's not like people don't get them. I fell in the shower and hit the shower rack. No big deal.

And yet, people are acting as if I get hit at home. Seriously people, if I got hit at home, I would be telling everyone, because that's just how I am. I wouldn't tolerate abuse. So all of these "jokes" which I giggle nervously at, they aren't really funny. In fact, I wanted to give a few people black eyes of their own today.

So here's a breakdown of all of the times I was annoyed by people. First thing in the morning, I walk into class, covering my eye with my hair that was parted on the wrong side, which felt really weird, and hoping no one would notice my eye. I sat down at my usual seat, and noticing we had a substitute teacher, I pulled out a sheet of paper and began to doodle. Then the teacher we had for today decides to do roll-call and when I hear my name called, I look up, making sure she marks me as present. Apparently my hair went back to where it normally rests, behind my ear, because she stopped completely and stared at my eye. I must have been looking uncomfortable because after about a minute, she looked back own at the list and roll-call continued. One person I wanted to punch today.

Next there was my "friend", Zach. I normally would cover his identity, but he was behaving particularly like a pucker today, so I won't. (Pedos of the world unite!) So my friend Zach Zledford (there, now no one could possibly come find you and rape you Zach) decided it would be a nice thing to tell everyone that I had accidentally "fallen" down stairs. Only 1) I have no stairs in my house and that was the only place I was this weekend, and 2)He said it in the *wink wink* "she fell down stairs way". Basically, he went and told people lies. I didn't fall down stairs. I slipped in my shower. Jesus, you're making me out like some kind of klutz or something.

Now, this was bad enough, but he added to it. He then loudly questioned me as to whether or not "he hit" me. He being any male influence in my life. My father (I never see), my brother (whom I couldn't possibly see because he doesn't exist), or my boyfriend that I wish I had, but do not have. None of this, of course stopped my "friend" from loudly proclaiming things that weren't true. Another person I wanted to punch. In the face. Hard.

Another friend of mine teased me in a much nicer manner, but still made me angry. I won't state her by name, because she didn't really piss me off too much, but it still annoyed me. It wasn't funny.

Seriously people, it's like you've never seen a black eye. Get over yourselves. It isn't funny.

Of course, if the black eye were on someone else, you can bet all you own I would make at least one comment regarding a man of the house. So really, I'm not much better. But at least I would keep the comment in my head, instead of yelling it to everyone in the room.Nice way to be awesome. Zach Zledford. I love you man. Get on with your bad metro self.

Cheers! Hope your having a better day!

----------------
Now playing:
Three Days Grace - Home
Three Days Grace - Riot
via FoxyTunes

Keeping Afloat In A World Such As This, With All Of The Ironic Twists

I have always been pretty skilled in comforting people on the little worries of life. Even when I was in the 2nd grade (my first year in public school) I was able to help people with their problems. I would show them what their choices were and help them make decisions on their own.

I continue to be good at doing it in most situations. Problems that seem to have no solution for the one with the problem are something I am easily able to help them to solve.

My problems, my personal problems, are something I fumble, and stumble through. My problems, my own difficulties in life make me believe everyone is out to get me for no reason, and through no fault of my own, until I take a step back and look at things through someone else's eyes. That oftentimes clears up my murky vision, leading to answers and truths I wasn't aware of. I become more enlightened of myself every time I do this, though it remains just as hard to do as when I first started doing this.

Perhaps this is because for people who aren't me, I can step back and look at things objectively, not emotionally. With my problems, this isn't something easily achieved because in all honesty, I am a very emotional person. It is very difficult to hold my own emotions under control, but in order to solve conflicts in my own life I find I must do this.

It may seem a bit ironic though, that I am very skilled in helping others to solve their problems. Their problems, their lives, not mine, so they aren't my emotions. Their challenges cease to be real. Instead they become logic problems for me to solve, not through emotions, but through just that, logic. Life isn't as simple as always being logical, but if it isn't my life I don't understand this.

This is made strikingly clear when someone close to me has a problem though. Not my mother, not my best girlfriend, not my little sister. No, only one friend of mine am I so close to, even when we aren't speaking, that I can't look at things in an objective fashion as I do with everyone else. I simply can't. God how I tried to tonight. It would have made things so much easier. But I could be of no comfort to this friend, at least, not in the way I can be to anyone else.

Yet, this friend always seems to call me when a problem arises that is very large. I pray I am of some help to this friend, although I have no idea how I could be. Tonight I did very little. I fumbled and stumbled through awkward conversations that I hoped to God would keep his thoughts off of his problems. If it helped at all, I'd be surprised.

Honest to God though, I felt helpless. I could say nothing, really, about the situation. I knew nothing about how he could be feeling, unless I was to arrogantly assert I had ever been involved in something like it. I have not, not even close. I wanted so badly to take the easy way out and say something falsely "comforting", if only to comfort myself. But to assert that things would become better, when they more than likely would not for a while, is a loophole of a lie. I cannot do that, not to myself, and not to this close friend.

So I listened as patiently as I could, and tried so hard to not say something stupid. And it was one of the harder things I've had to do in my life, just sit and listen as my friend told me about his problem.

I hope he isn't angry about me writing this if he reads it. I really hope he isn't, but he's really important to me. I want him to know that. If everything else is going wrong, I'll try my best to help, even if that means I don't do what anyone else does and tell him everything will work itself out, as if it will by the time he wakes up. If he can even sleep tonight that is.

I'll pray that things do work out for this friend of mine. Even if I'm not sure what else to do, I can pray. Something has to help. Something

----------------
Now playing:
Within Temptation - Bittersweet
Violent Femmes - Please Do Not Go
via FoxyTunes