The title sounds negative. People hear the word "manipulate" and automatically think of things like tyranny, fraud, toasters, politicians, religious leaders, bureaucrats, among other things (alright, maybe I'm the only one who thinks of toasters, but I have a valid reason for that, not that I'll tell you). But can't you manipulate clay? And isn't clay malleable? So, given the facts, couldn't one state that something that is able to be manipulated is also malleable. And saying that a person is malleable isn't a bad thing. After all, you need to be somewhat flexible in order to learn and grow, don't you? Doesn't that mean that manipulating people isn't a bad thing?
No, it does not mean that manipulating people isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately for the ignorant people out there who happen to stand in my way, I don't really care. I'm adept at using things to my advantage. This is great for me, it means I usually get what I want because it seems most everyone is an idiot when it comes to realizing that they are being taken advantage of. It's bad for the idiots being taken advantage of. Poor, poor idiots of the world. My heart goes out to them Not enough to make me stop, of course. Just enough to acknowledge that it must suck for them. Though, if it's any consolation, most of them are too stupid to realize what is happening to them. So, you see, it's really not so bad for them.
The Art of Manipulation is something that should be nurtured and cultivated, like a rare rose bush. Both are beautiful things that can really suck to the people touched by them. Especially if you're allergic to roses, then you might die. But how does this matter to you? It doesn't , because you're not dead, are you? No, you are not (unless the people related to the dead person decide to get revenge on the rosebush* by taking a chainsaw, some tarps and plastics bags, a shovel, and a secluded place where no one can hear the screams of the bush).
Which brings me to my first point on how to manipulate people. Don't get caught. I cannot stress how important that is. You must not get caught. It doesn't matter how good you think you are at it, if you go and try to manipulate someone above your level, a.k.a. someone like me, then you will get caught, and that person (nine times out of ten) will realize what you are doing and counter-attack. Trust me, young one, you do not want that to happen. You will be destroyed, and that isn't an exaggeration.
"How do I not get caught?", you may be asking yourself. Simple, do not get over-confident ** once your skill is acceptable in this art form. Do not assume you know more about doing this than anyone else. Over-confidence is unacceptable, since everyone knows that it's the number one reason that serial killers get caught. They think they are smarter than the rest of the world, so they leave easier clues, they get sloppy, they essentially lose all they have worked for because they got stupid. Don't get stupid, stay within your limit. Which will always be below mine. Remember that.
Now you're probably thinking "yeah, sure, that's all great, but how do I actually do it?" This is a good question. Don't get used to me saying that to you, novice. You have to watch people. See how they react to different things. Notice how you react to different things. That's all, really. Just watch people.
"Oh, that's so easy. I could do that without even trying.", you murmur to yourself. Wrong. What did I tell you about being arrogant? Don't do it. It's a difficult thing to do, training yourself to know what makes people react, and how to get them to react in a way that benefits you. You have to be able to read people by both their voice and their body language. Then you have to be able to factor that into how you try and use them. This takes training, it takes skill. More than likely you'll never be able to do it.
If you have read through this, then you are one step closer to being at my level, the highest you can be, in using people to your advantage. Congratulations. Unfortunately for you, the ignorant reader, climbing all of the steps to the peak, where I reside, is like memorizing all of the digits to pi. Sure, one day mathematicians (or the robots who will have by then taken over the world and enslaved all humans, making me their queen) may find the last digit of pi, but no one, not even a robot, could memorize all of the digits (except me, of course).
Well, I hope that this was as helpful to you as it was a hassle for me. Cheers with your future endeavors at manipulating people!
* That's you, stupid.
**Don't be so arrogant, jackass.
Disclaimer: No rosebushes, or plants of any kind were harmed in the writing of this blog. Unless you count the fact that I ate some pizza, and the wheat was killed in the making of the pizza I am digesting currently.
----------------
Now Playing:
Maroon 5 - Wake Up Call
My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
via FoxyTunes
No, it does not mean that manipulating people isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately for the ignorant people out there who happen to stand in my way, I don't really care. I'm adept at using things to my advantage. This is great for me, it means I usually get what I want because it seems most everyone is an idiot when it comes to realizing that they are being taken advantage of. It's bad for the idiots being taken advantage of. Poor, poor idiots of the world. My heart goes out to them Not enough to make me stop, of course. Just enough to acknowledge that it must suck for them. Though, if it's any consolation, most of them are too stupid to realize what is happening to them. So, you see, it's really not so bad for them.
The Art of Manipulation is something that should be nurtured and cultivated, like a rare rose bush. Both are beautiful things that can really suck to the people touched by them. Especially if you're allergic to roses, then you might die. But how does this matter to you? It doesn't , because you're not dead, are you? No, you are not (unless the people related to the dead person decide to get revenge on the rosebush* by taking a chainsaw, some tarps and plastics bags, a shovel, and a secluded place where no one can hear the screams of the bush).
Which brings me to my first point on how to manipulate people. Don't get caught. I cannot stress how important that is. You must not get caught. It doesn't matter how good you think you are at it, if you go and try to manipulate someone above your level, a.k.a. someone like me, then you will get caught, and that person (nine times out of ten) will realize what you are doing and counter-attack. Trust me, young one, you do not want that to happen. You will be destroyed, and that isn't an exaggeration.
"How do I not get caught?", you may be asking yourself. Simple, do not get over-confident ** once your skill is acceptable in this art form. Do not assume you know more about doing this than anyone else. Over-confidence is unacceptable, since everyone knows that it's the number one reason that serial killers get caught. They think they are smarter than the rest of the world, so they leave easier clues, they get sloppy, they essentially lose all they have worked for because they got stupid. Don't get stupid, stay within your limit. Which will always be below mine. Remember that.
Now you're probably thinking "yeah, sure, that's all great, but how do I actually do it?" This is a good question. Don't get used to me saying that to you, novice. You have to watch people. See how they react to different things. Notice how you react to different things. That's all, really. Just watch people.
"Oh, that's so easy. I could do that without even trying.", you murmur to yourself. Wrong. What did I tell you about being arrogant? Don't do it. It's a difficult thing to do, training yourself to know what makes people react, and how to get them to react in a way that benefits you. You have to be able to read people by both their voice and their body language. Then you have to be able to factor that into how you try and use them. This takes training, it takes skill. More than likely you'll never be able to do it.
If you have read through this, then you are one step closer to being at my level, the highest you can be, in using people to your advantage. Congratulations. Unfortunately for you, the ignorant reader, climbing all of the steps to the peak, where I reside, is like memorizing all of the digits to pi. Sure, one day mathematicians (or the robots who will have by then taken over the world and enslaved all humans, making me their queen) may find the last digit of pi, but no one, not even a robot, could memorize all of the digits (except me, of course).
Well, I hope that this was as helpful to you as it was a hassle for me. Cheers with your future endeavors at manipulating people!
* That's you, stupid.
**Don't be so arrogant, jackass.
Disclaimer: No rosebushes, or plants of any kind were harmed in the writing of this blog. Unless you count the fact that I ate some pizza, and the wheat was killed in the making of the pizza I am digesting currently.
----------------
Now Playing:
Maroon 5 - Wake Up Call
My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
via FoxyTunes
1 comment:
Lol, that was amazingly hilarious, can't wait to read some more
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